Wordless Wednesday: Typical Dakota!

On how everything is going to be "OK"

I haven't really blogged anything much about this, but Daniel & I have been having serious problems for a few months. Really, since last September. 6 months of SERIOUS problems. I honestly feel like he became a different person, he told me he hated me, I had ruined his life, among other things.

I honestly thought that was it. I didn't know what else to do. But I always hoped, I always kept hoping this isn't the real Daniel I know, this isn't the man of my dreams who will do anything for me & has always loved me and always will, this is something completely different. I prayed to God daily that somehow, some way, he would help to open Daniel's eyes and see that I was only trying to help him, I loved him & wanted to be with him as much as I did the day when he asked me to marry him.

God does answer prayer - last week Daniel asked to speak to me in private, his parents went out of the house and he sat me down and apologized to me for everything he has put me through in the past few months. I'm still skeptical, about how quickly he has changed. I'm not convinced he's better, but he knows himself he has been depressed and is going to go for conselling and medication, if necessary.

I just want to get my family back together now & be able to put this all behind us.

A touch of spring!

We've been waiting for it a long time, but as everything else has started to pick up from a depressive phase (more coming on that later), so finally has the weather.

It's a welcome improvement because I was most definitely DONE with the worst Polish winter for 30 years. It was horrible. I am from a super snowy/cold area of Canada, but even I found it tough going this winter. I think with kids the weather makes such a difference, the girls are loving finally being able to get out and play at the park and stuff. Let off some energy so they can nap when they get home!

To celebrate the weather, I recently took some pics of the girls out on a walk. I thought they turned out pretty well, they definitely are 2 characters!

- Anna

I think it will all be ok

Family = love

On breastfeeding

I am still breastfeeding Amelia and it is something so important & precious to me. I stopped with Dakota at around 9 months and have always regretted it - this time I hope to keep on going until Mia is around 2, or until she decides enough is enough and self-weans herself.

The bond we have whilst breastfeeding is something so amazing - I never imagined it would help us have such a great bond, for me to know that I am helping her grow, I am the reason for her getting so big & beautiful, for being such a healthy little princess.

Of course, it has its practical benefits too. The fact I have never had to worry about getting milk to the right temperature: heating and cooling and testing to make sure, my body produces it just right for little Mia. Also, it's there in demand, I've never had to panic that I don't have enough for her, or lug about too much on a day out! Also, the $$$ issue. My breastmilk is FREE, it's the best bargain I've ever got!

It has its difficulties too. As I am working more these days, sometimes I have to pump for Mia, but not often. I am very lucky my shifts at work are usually only 2-3 hours at a time, so I can nurse before I leave and when I come home. At the start it was difficult, it does hurt and I thought, my nipples are never going to make it. But now, completely fine. I thought once she started getting teeth she would start biting on me, but so far, nothing. She knows not to hurt her Mommy!

- Anna

Wordless Wednesday

[BTW - my blog is under-going an overhaul right now. Let me know what you think & how I could impove. I can't seem to get it looking cute at all and it is starting to irritate me!]

Update on Amelia!

My little baby is getting so big - I can't believe the last time I was posting on this blog, she was just a little newborn, and here she is now, only 2 months away from 1!

She is such a laid-back baby, nothing phases her, she just sits and watches her crazy big sister running crazily around and the house and giggles and smiles! When Dakota attacks her, she stands her ground but never lets it get to her. She's such a good baby, I have been so blessed with her.

Mia is a big girl for her age too! I've got 2 big girls on my hands. She is 23lbs and 29inches tall at 10 months, she's a big girl. Not JUST as tall as Dakota was at this age, but still a tall girl none-the-less.

She looks like her big sister a lot I think, especially when Dakota was younger - but Dakota is definitely more me and Amelia is definitely more Daniel. She has blonde hair too - it's adorable, I love my little blonde haired baby! I have a brunette and a blondie, no doubt there will be more than a few wars about which is best in the years to come!

Talking is coming slowly but surely - she's still just babbling a lot of the time, but she can say MAMA, DADA & KO-AH (Kota). Like Dakota, we're speaking both Polish and English to her so she will hopefully pick up both like her big sister seems to be doing.

Our most recent news is that we now have a walker. She is so laid back, I thought she would take a good bit longer than Dakota, who walked at 9 months. But here we are at 10 months, and it's all systems go! The past few days she has been chasing her sister round until her heart's content. There's no stopping her now!


Update on Dakota!

My not so little Dakota is now 29 months old. Is it even ok to refer to 29 monthers in months anymore?

It is crazy how much she has grown up. She a totally Mommy's girl and I don't know where I would be without her! She makes me laugh every day, she is such a funny little girl, loves making me smile and her laugh is just infectious.

She is still such a big girl for her age! She is 38.5inches tall, she is the same height as some 5 year olds we know! She is my big tall girl, she is now 31lbs as well, still above average, but quite slim for height. She is definitely taking after me with her build, she is just my little mini-me and I love it being that way!

Miss Dakota is still as wild as ever. There is no calming this kid down. Anything at all which is in the slightest bit dangerous, she loves it. She has NO fear at all, I am petrified for her, but nothing seems to phase her. It just means I have to keep an extra close eye on her at all times!

She has also gotten so smart - I can't believe it! She can say her alphabet,Align Center numbers & most main words in English AND Polish. She never gets mixed up between either language and her vocabulary is right on track for where it should be for her age - except she's doing it in 2 languages! She is my smart little bilingual! Here she is saying her ABCs and then talking to me in Polish afterward!


Here are a few recent pictures, I am so proud of my beautiful, big girl.


So, time for an update.

I'm going to spend today just updating on me, and my circumstances right now!

I have so much to tell you all about the girls and things, but I'll save that for another day.

Things are tough over here right now, I will admit that. We have definitely seen better days. I hoped by this time, start of 2010, we would have our own place and be making ways forward in our financial situation. Instead, we've taken a big step back. Daniel lost his job in September and is yet to find a new one.

He has became very depressed, I mean very. He refuses to leave the house and I don't really believe he is even searching for a job anymore. He has turned completely against me and it hurts me so badly. He is blaming me for our situation, telling me it is my fault and he even told me I have ruined his life. I'm trying to convince myself this isn't really him talking, this is not the man I know & love, but it's difficult. He keeps pushing me away and I am in a country where I do not speak the language and don't have my own family.

I have my own difficulties to deal with & I've been finding it very difficult to address them because I am worrying so much about him and the state of our marriage. He says he "doesn't need" to go to conselling, and who am I to force him? There is nothing I can do until he wants to help himself.

So, that's the back story right now. I will be back tomorrow hopefully on a happier note with an update on the little princesses!- Anna

Time to get back to blogging?

I really think I will.

SO much has changed since I just sort of, stopped. But I miss it, pouring out my feelings and convincing myself that someone is actually reading and understanding!

So I think I will start up again - update post coming soon!